My lovely sister and I went to the movies on my “mommy break” the other night – saw Girl on the Train. First off, I super like Emily Blunt. She made the movie work. I won’t give away the movie, you can keep reading, I promise, but it brought to light the many things I’ve gleaned from the movies… and why I’d stay alive. Read on. It could save your life someday.
Don’t argue in the woods alone.
Even with someone you know. This applies to all random deserted places you’ll inevitably end up. Just zip your lip. Why threaten a crazy, angry person? To what end? Death. That’s what end. Not me.
Don’t threaten the one holding a weapon.
Do what you’re told. Obedience is very disarming. (Sidebar: Unless in a crowded area, then scream. Do not just calmly walk into a dark van on a crowded street) All the while, keep your eye out for your own weapon, it can be anything. As I learned from The Rock (aka Dwayne Johnson), even a banana can save your life.
Don’t slowly inch your fingers to the knife, just grab it and crouch. It’ll be good aim from that point. Sorry fellas.
Don’t listen to the monolog in horror when they aren’t-even-looking-at-you.
If they are turned away, monologuing, stinkin’ run. Or better yet, hit them in the back with a chair. Process your shock and horror later. You can live a very long life wondering why. You really can.
Hit more than once
Hitting someone with a couch cushion won’t get you far. Hitting them with a bat still won’t get your far if you stop too soon. “Don’t kick ’em when they’re down” does not apply here.
Get the baby OUT
If you won’t choose wisely for your own self, do it for your baby. P-l-e-a-s-e get your baby away from danger. Does this really need to be said? Move to the door when they aren’t looking, don’t stand and watch. Even from a force unseen. Baby climbing an invisible wall is not to be watched in horror, even when they are giggling. Move. Your. Baby.
Don’t run upstairs.
Get out! Get out! Get out! Tip: If you live in the woods, do not run aimlessly around, tripping over logs and hitting your head on a rock making you an easy catch.
Lock your doors the second you get in your car
Don’t fish for your keys, don’t search Pinterest on your phone, don’t reapply your lipstick with one foot out of the door. Get in, shut the door, lock it and drive, ladies.
Never, under any circumstances, let an alarm guy in when you didn’t know they were coming
This applies to Comcast guys, landscapers, plumbers… I have faith you get the meaning. Not trusting a stranger is not a bad reflection on your relationship with your fiance, husband, wife or roommate- whoever may have made this so-called appointment. This is life and death here. Be sure.
Do not investigate weird sounds in your PJs.
Better yet, don’t investigate weird sounds, late at night, ever.
If you back into something in a parking garage, don’t get out.
Pull forward, check the rear view, and wait. Make sure it’s not a trained dog playing dead.
Don’t travel with a buddy to another country thinking a local weirdo isn’t going to target you.
The same rules apply in Europe that applies here, folks.
Lock you doors
So many bad things can be prevented by locking your front, back and garage doors. Trust me.
Don’t be a secret agent
“They” will come for your family. Even 20 years later when your daughter goes overseas.
No, no you may not use my bathroom
You’re a guy. Use a tree.
Go for the vulnerable areas
Hitting someone on the shoulder won’t save your life. *shaking head*
Never, ever accept large gifts from the cute billionaire
I can hear Dr. Phil now, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” (aka. alive) Alive, please. I’ll nurse my ego later.
I could go on, but I think I’ve blown your mind. Hopefully in a good way.
Tell me, would YOU survive a thriller?